Quartier des Martyrs, Sunday, 26.07.09, 10:19, Epigraph

« Être avec des gens qu’on aime, cela suffit ; rêver, leur parler, ne leur parler point, penser à eux, penser à des choses plus indifférentes, mais auprès d’eux, tout est égal. »

From the Marais to the Abbaye d’Ardenne, Wednesday, 22.07.09, 10:52, The Old Cry of Husserl

I have told you, dear reader, that I started this blog in an attempt to let Lamour see me from afar. The old cry of Husserl is now mine: back to Lamour himself!

Paris, The Marais, Wednesday, 21.07.09, 21:20, Cosy

Wearing Lamour’s dirty underpants, in Lamour’s bed, on Lamour’s pillows, under Lamour’s sheets.

Jersey, The Westhill Country Hotel, Sunday, 19.07.09, 22:30, Lamour Gives His Heart Away

In the footpath from St Aubin to Corbiere Lamour confided at noon that something big was taking shape deep inside him and that he was ready to let it go. The luscious piece of heart-shaped excrement below only came out of Lamour’s entrails late in the evening though, after dinner at the Pinocchio.

Granville, La Haute Ville, Saturday, 18.07.09, 17:00, Résumé

Cette succession de provocations et frustrations que Lamour appelle « notre amitié », où je dois trouver mon extase ou mon martyre ; d’où je pourrais m’évader, si notre amitié ne me l’interdisait… (Punctuated and revised by Lamour)

Abbaye d’Ardenne, Thursday, 16.07.09, 18:55, Love and Martyrdom

Noisette du Périgord told La Biche that I followed Schaeffer’s text but was not imprisoned in it. I told Noisette the reason: I loved it. She laughed caustically. A clairvoyant told Noisette in her youth that, in spite of constant financial problems, “she would have the best part”. Her mother was terrified. She understood it in the biblical sense. Noisette would have both Love and Martyrdom.

Abbaye d’Ardenne, Thursday, 16.07.09, 11:38, Causes and Consequences

Being depressed, having taken hallucinogenic substances, being furious and being in love may all produce the same result: I spread toothpaste on the brush I had already spread toothpaste on.

Abbaye d’Ardenne, Wednesday, 15.07.09, 11:21, The Day Lamour Missed the Train

Les plus riches cités, les plus beaux paysages,
Jamais ne contenaient l’attrait mystérieux
De ceux que le hasard fait avec les nuages.
Et toujours le désir nous rendait soucieux !

(Baudelaire, “Le voyage”)

Quartier des Martyrs, Tuesday, 14.07.09, 22:45, 1. Reconnaisance

I first noticed Lamour in the dining-room of the Abbaye d’Ardenne, having lunch with Ian St Paul. In those days, I only had eyes for Ian, which was the reason I noticed Lamour at all, and the reason I disliked him too. He wore a black velvet jacket and black leather pointed shoes, which made him look like an aspiring man of letters (perhaps he was trying to). And I had been told not to trust men in pointed shoes.

Quartier des Martyrs, Monday, 13.07.09, 19:40, Impalpable But Unequivocal: The Struggle Between Denial and Love

What renders Lamour’s case so intriguing is its eccentricity vis-à-vis the closeted-homosexual type. Whereas the latter carries embedded the automatic erasure of the sexuality he wishes not to display — resulting in stereotypical displays of non-homosexuality (e.g., Ian St Paul) —, the former wilfully produces the signs of that which he will efface in spite of himself. By delayed expurgation, Lamour therefore becomes potentially convincing in all roles. To understand this mechanics, we must move from sexuality to eroticism, from description to interpretation, from Lamour’s erotic life to that of the present writer. In other words, we need to consider the love story between Lamour and I.